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CrackInTheWall's Journal


CrackInTheWall's Journal

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23 entries this month
 

HOLY COLD!

17:27 Feb 28 2009
Times Read: 810


You know it's cold when after your hot yoga class, walking the block and half to your car... your hair freezes. O.o



90 min hot yoga



OMG I am sweaty... I guess going out last night helped the pores open 2x as much today...



Time for the shower!


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13:45 Feb 27 2009
Times Read: 811


60 min hot yoga last night.



It was one of the classes where there were tons of people, and I made the mistake of eating too much for dinner right before class. O.o


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17:13 Feb 26 2009
Times Read: 817


Run 4.3 miles



Total time 45:10



Was good pace, a little challenging at end but over I'm pleased, and now I simply can't wait for yoga :)


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14:26 Feb 26 2009
Times Read: 821


We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face ... we must do that which we think we cannot.

~Eleanor Roosevelt

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14:14 Feb 26 2009
Times Read: 823


Yin/Yang yoga last night 75 min.



Monday I had hour reformer session followed by 90min yoga.



Tuesday was surgery for Holmes so I was too busy to make it to the gym/yoga.



Today I'm pppfffffft. Perhaps it is time for a nap. and then my work this evening. This past month has had a big toll on me and today I'm feeling it...


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18:15 Feb 22 2009
Times Read: 842


(-) 90 min hot yoga



Followed by run



3.31 miles 38:21 min



You will notice different times for my run based off of how much time in between it and yoga. Today I went straight from yoga to gym (changed into dry clothes) and started right up.





Now with weighing in... I only do so under several circumstances:



1. I'm hydrated (as in drinking the right amount for the work I'm doing, AND urinating equal to what I drink)

2. I've had a bowel movement that day. Think about it- you don't eliminate, your system is off and more likely to be "heavy".

3. Even if I weigh in prior to workout, the weight that counts is after (unless for competition, then it is first thing in am, but I'm too heavy in my sport for that to ever be an issue).

4. I do weigh in during my menses. It is good for me to know how much the fluctuation is with this as the bigger jump (such as this week) means that I'm bloating during it, and my system is not as efficient as it can be.



Seems like too much information for you? Consider this: the body is a biomechanical, bio-chemical machine. Just like your car, if you ignore the engine- it will fail. By looking at and paying attention you do several things:



1. you learn what works for you.

2. you learn how to set appropriate goals for you

3. you learn how much more you truly can do

4. you get more comfortable in the day-to-day choices that you make as your awareness grows.



Make no mistake, I have NOT given up sweets, I have NOT stopped eating (ask Nightblossom how much I eat), and I have not gone without ANYTHING I've wanted. What I have done is this:



1. I eat even if not hungry before workouts. Even if 1/2 granola bar or one egg.

2. I drink tons of water about 4 litres a day

3. I am avoiding processed foods (although last week I went out to eat and had fried fish and chips with tons of tarter sauce) So I try to cook my meals and take them with me.

4. I'm eating at regular intervals, and when I can't I make sure I have some almonds/fruit to munch on.



The reason I am loosing so quickly is several fold as I started to talk about in previous entry, and while my mental clarity is my biggest challenge- it is also because I KNOW myself from my previous training. I have always known that hot yoga helps me loose body fat in a quick manner that I do not find stressful or a hindrance to my body. Everyone is different- remember I have spent since 1982 (age 11) in athletics and have taken them to levels that most will never achieve. My lack of activity is a rather "new" development and started in 2003 when I graduated from Acupuncture school, and even then I have been active- just not to the extent that my body is accustomed to.



Be patient, I have to remind myself everyday because I am not 20 something anymore and in being so I find my body is responding to the challenges I place before it in a way that I honestly hoped for but did not expect.



Be patient, breath, namaste.


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Mantra

17:10 Feb 21 2009
Times Read: 853


90 min hot yoga today.



I have been saying a mantra to myself for the past month, when a pose is difficult or my focus is failing:



I release you with compassion, I release you with love, I release you with understanding.



Those that think WOW 18lbs in less than a month have not seen all the work that has gone into this transformation. The pain I experience, and the emotional swings that seem to happen at the drop of a hat. I have been silent during this growth, and may remain a bit so even as I truly feel myself stir and wake.



The work really began in October when I joined the gym. Since then it has been me finding where I need to be- following the soul's call to my life. I am making so many mistakes right now, but they all build me to where I belong. I am truly finding the compassion for what I look like now, and in having that my body responds by going back to where it was. It is accepting the hurt and the pain that caused me to gain the weight and giving it compassion that allows the release.



As I see my faults expressed in all the should be teenage emo splendour, I find the space to love me. For taking the opportunity to learn and grow, allowing my heart to break so that it can love more completely without being so brittle. I love the fires as they purge my intent to where it should be: myself and remembering that if I cannot love me, then who can?



With this I understand it is a process, one that I will surely fail in, knowing this I accept that I must take my lesson and step forward. One step at a time. I have to find the patience to look at me and in all this mess that is my life find the knowledge of why I have made the choices I have. In understanding this basic aspect, I am finding the rest: compassion and love easier. More importantly I find it allows me to live and treat others with the same integrity I attempt to treat myself with.



Truly our bodies are an expression of our minds. Biblically they are called our temples, yet even with spirituality we forget this small basic step. To find full compassion, love and understanding with others; first we must find it in ourselves. Forgive my silence, and feel free to break it at anytime as it is in the balance of the silly and the profound that a full life is achieved.


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16:04 Feb 20 2009
Times Read: 860


60 min hot yoga


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18

00:54 Feb 20 2009
Times Read: 869


That is how many pounds lost to date.



3.32 miles 40min total



From how my body is responding I might go for another 20lbs instead of 12. Reason being is with the work outs I'm doing I am building different type of muscle mass than I have previously worked on. It's a stretch for my thought process, but I'm addressing the issues as they arise...



Small steps...


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17:17 Feb 19 2009
Times Read: 874


60 min hot yoga



and a great conversation after with a connection that I am very excited about. Finally. Still tomorrow... uggg. *sigh* one small step.



Later today I'll goto the gym again... don't know if I'll walk or run- we'll see how it goes.


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03:15 Feb 19 2009
Times Read: 877


60 hot yoga yesterday (+)



Today 75 min yin/yang yoga



What a difficult week. Tough to keep my perspective, difficult to understand my situation and most of all on the brink of loosing faith.



But there is no place but forward and one foot in front of the other when faith will not support us. Slowly the clarity returns, as does the pain.



It too shall pass.


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20:01 Feb 16 2009
Times Read: 894


60 min of hot yoga followed by running



3.31 miles 32:54 min



Weight 190



So I'm at my first step goal. Not too bad considering I have not been doing 2x day for a few weeks. That and I ate out several times this week with fried foods. This week I will slowly add more 2x a day in as my medial quad is feeling much better.



Back to running and using the yoga as cross training/mind clearing.



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17:54 Feb 15 2009
Times Read: 886


90 min hot yoga yesterday



90 min hot yoga today :)



Really nice movement today I'm really just in a good mood and looking to get some stuff done today. I would like to go dancing tonight too but it seems everyone had last night off and not tonight :( LOL tis ok I may just have to dance alone in my room :)


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00:10 Feb 14 2009
Times Read: 893


Last night 60 min hot yoga... tonight will be off.



There is an aspect of needing a little bit of a rest, and so this week has had it.


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14:17 Feb 12 2009
Times Read: 898


Last night 75 min hot yoga... followed by a night of little sleep thanks to a wind storm O.o



*sigh* of to worky work...


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00:35 Feb 10 2009
Times Read: 909


90 hot yoga



Not much else to say except woooo to garlic and how it smell pouring out of your pores :D


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19:57 Feb 08 2009
Times Read: 914


90 min hot yoga



And I'm just simply exhausted. I went to bed around 5:30 am today, and was up at 8:30 O.o Typical of my normal sleep cycle. I've had a nap but I simply don't think that I'm going to do much more than some chores around the house today.


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17:00 Feb 07 2009
Times Read: 920


90 hot yoga today



Wow one day off and I'm pouring out the ick. Yesterday I had planned to work out but with getting my tattoo retouched and then not eating during my regular schedule I choose instead to have an off day. Not certain how long it's been since I took one- but don't really care either.



I have to make sure to clean my tattoo now prior to and after each workout so that it doesn't get dirt and ick in it....I have no idea how I'm going to work with this on my leg piece- I guess I'll have to deal with it when it happens as there is no way I'm stopping now.



Frankly I haven't felt this good in years- and I remember.



Never forget the body/mind/spirit connection because when you do, life is far less.


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03:13 Feb 06 2009
Times Read: 926


miles 1.59

20.10 min



Medial quad bad today. 8/10 went down to 4/10 the increased to 6/10. Walked most of the time



60 min hot yoga.


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04:43 Feb 05 2009
Times Read: 941


75min Hot Yin/Yang yoga.



I stank today. Not as much sweating, but boy did I smell :(



Part of the detox process is icky... now that I'm going on 3 weeks of practically everyday I will slowly start to have it be less stinky and less sweaty, but still having pore opening. Emotions seem to be more in control the past few days- but I'm not holding my breath.



I will probably be about 190-189 this weekend, but I will not step on a scale until sunday. I have an appointment with a tattoo artist to set up my leg piece on Friday and to touch up the tattoo in my photo (the photo was taken three months after I had it done- so now it is much more blurry).



Holmes still is not responding to his medication, and I am so very worried for my pup. Still I'm starting to not resent the hope, and starting to remember why it is so important.



Namaste


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16:02 Feb 03 2009
Times Read: 947


3.31 miles

total time 33:05



Left medial quad started at 6/10 after warm up 4/10 on pain scale



Followed immediately by 60' hot yoga with 30' in the room between running and yoga.



Weight 192.5



With how much work I did yesterday I'm not surprised that my weight is not down as I woke up quite stiff and sore which typically is an indicator of inflammation. Plan for rest of day is to nap, and rest with epsom salt bath. Tomorrow I will break up the work with run in am and yoga at night provided that I'm feeling as good as I did today.


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01:53 Feb 03 2009
Times Read: 954


90 min of reformer

90 min of hot yoga



I am looking forward to a long beautiful sleep!


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18:34 Feb 01 2009
Times Read: 960


90 min hot yoga



am totally exhausted now- although the practise was far better than yesterday. Although who would have thunk that I could sweat so much?!



I know it's part of the detox- but holy moly I start and it POURS out. O.O



*goes to take a nap repeating, better out than in.


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